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CraftyPod Video Blog #3 from Diane Gilleland on Vimeo.
In this episode of the increasingly-accurately-named video blog, I rant a little bit about snark on the internet. Of course it’s painful, but it also damages those who deal it in some important ways.
Two ideas that didn’t fit into the video:
1. If you’re going to publicly rip on someone online, I guarantee you, they will see it. Nothing is hidden on the internet, and anyone who has a website has easy ways of seeing what’s being said about them.
(If you want to know more about what people are saying about you online, read this.)
2. I’m not saying that nobody should ever say anything negative. That’s unrealistic. Here’s what I am saying: if you have something to say about another human being that you wouldn’t say to his or her face, the public forum is no place to do it.
At the very least, use email and direct messaging, and keep those conversations private.
…Or maybe, the next time you feel compelled to be mean to someone publicly, try using that energy to go start a project of your own.
Whew! I have to go lie down now…
wow! you are so right. I haven’t seen much “snark” but I know it’s there. I LOVE the internet and all the blogs. I’m 60 yrs old and have found so much creativity and just plane old fun stuff that I don’t have enough hours in the day to do everything. The only time I said anything negative on a blog comment was when the blogger asked if the music she had on was annoying. And I said well…yes it is annoying. And that blogger wasn’t happy with my comment. But she asked…To all you crafty people…keep on keeping on:)
I love you Diane! And, I love this post!
OMG this is so true. I learned very quickly when I was going to school for graphic design what it was to give Constructive criticism. In my classes we all had to put our work up onto a board and let anyone fire away at what was wrong with it or what was done well. If you weren’t being constructive about something the rest of the class was all over you. Since everyone had to show something, everone had to be nice to each other.
This experience was very helpful to me, now when I want to make a comment about something I think very carefully about it. I try to imagine what I would feel like if somone was commenting about my own work. I also often try to start with something positive, then when I give constructive criticism I try to be nice about it. You know, like mom used to do. “Mmmm, honey that’s a great start, but maybe if you tried…”. We all learn by trial and error, and it’s hard to get better without some critical feedback, but seriously, being nice is something we learn as children.
Thanks for this. I couldn't agree more.
Right on, girlfriend! I've actually been criticized for being too cheerful and complimentary on my blog. Well, um…I use my blog to focus attention on work I love. That's all. Deal with it, snarkies.
you know how zappos lets users review shoes? like, these run wide, or a half size small. it’s very valuable! i think when people comment on amazon they think they are giving value by *being* snarky. (i don’t think it’s right – just an idea of *why* someone would do such a thing!)
i’m curious if you respond to negative tweets/comments/etc., or just delete them? and i’m really sorry someone brought down your guest post that way! even in your ranting you radiate positivity! : )
Aw, thanks, Linda. I love you too!
Thanks for commenting, LeAnn! I'm so glad you liked it!
See, and this is part of what makes you compelling as a blogger – your genuine enthusiasm for the things you write about! I'll take inspiration and horizon expansion over negative shutting-down any ol' day. :-)
Thanks so much for chiming in here, Marilyn. I agree – the internet is abundant and exciting. There's absolutely a place for spirited debate, too – but debate is one thing and sniping is quite another.
That said, how wonderful that you're finding the crafty web so much fun! My Mom had a similar experience of discovery. (Maybe she'll chime in here later.) Happy Crafting!
Right on Diane! Well said!
Overall, most of the comments I get on my blog and videos are positive. But on occasion I have received a few nasty ones. At first it devastated me. I guess I have always been one of those people that want to please everyone. Over time, I have learned to shrug them off (well, almost.) I do appreciate and welcome constructive criticism. But I've come to the conclusion that there are just some people out there that live to rain on other people's parade. I'm not sure what there problem is. But for me, life is too short to get caught up in it. Besides, it takes away from my crafting time. : – )
Best wishes!
I so agree, Michelle – it can be really hard to get past the negative ones. I did a guest post on another blog recently, and out of hundreds of positive comments, there was one mean-spirited one. And sadly, that one colored all the others for me – for a while.
Definitely, life is too short to let negativity bring us down!
You have articulately given a voice to what is on a lot of our minds, Diane, thank you. I am always taken aback at comments that are posted with no intention other than to be mean. I'll be feeling the joy of a piece I've read, wanting to continue to feed that feeling by reading uplifting comments when, BAM!, the joy is momentarily sucked right out of me by a cruel and nasty post. I won't stop reading them, though, because I don't want to miss the blessings of the positive ones. (Besides, we all know negative people are that way because they want company in their misery; I'll pass.)
When you read a nasty comment remember, you, my dear, help feed our crafty souls. You make us proud to be a part of the on-line geekynerdyawesomelycooloptimistic community of which we belong. Together, we truly do FTW!
You are lovely, Dorothy. Thank you for the kind words, and for adding your perspective here. I so agree – in the craft community, I'd so much rather be inspired than see anyone denigrated.
there seems to be only 2 kinds of comments … too sweet and too sour … both are not constructive … so i usually don't read comments … if i had a blog, i wouldn't bother with it … i guess i agree with the idea that each person should have their own blog for their own comments and ideas … hmmm, maybe it's time to start that blog i've been thinking about ?!?
My mother told me: “you dont have to tell everyboddy your opinion, if you do, it is just because you are in love with your own oppinions”.
And she told me: “if somboddy proudly presents their new dress, and you dont like it, you have to find something positive to say, say you like the colour or the sleves just something, it is evil to spoil other peoples joy”.
I think it would be good rules on the internet too: Dont give negative oppinions when not asked, and dont spoil other peoples joy.
Thank you for the podcast.
Margit
I enjoyed listening to your rant :) and I think you make great points. I haven't been subject to mean comment (yet) but I still struggle to understand why people would criticize unconstructively. I find it bizarre that someone who doesn't like you or what you do, would actually spend time commenting. It's weird to me…doesn't make sense. Perhaps we should all go back to what we learned in kindergarten…if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything! Hee…hee…
However, I do think it's okay to disagree and state your personal opinion on a topic…adding to the conversation – but it seems a lot of negative comments are those downright cruel – I want to make you feel bad and go cry – kind!
Perhaps that commenter has inner issues causing them to lash out and we just have to all develop thick skin.
You raise an excellent point – in a 100% positive community, there's some danger of the “echo chamber.” So definitely, respectful discourse is super valuable.
…And yes! Start that blog! Blogging is a hoot. :-)
Those are excellent words to live by, Margit – thank you!
Wow – I went through that very same experience in college! (Also majored in graphic design.) Your comment makes me think that constructive criticism is perhaps a “muscle” that can be developed. Maybe it'll be a 21st-century skill that more kids will be educated in. (Wouldn't that be amazing?)
Totally, Linda – I agree that disagreement is healthy, as long as it's done in a respectful vein.
I was encouraged to see this story about The Independent putting an end to anonymous commenting on its website: http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentato…
And Dorothy sent me this link earlier today, from NPR, about other websites taking measures against blatantly mean-spirited, unconstructive comments: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?st…
“…Or maybe, the next time you feel compelled to be mean to someone publicly, try using that energy to go start a project of your own.” I LOVE this! What a great way to redirect energy. I had an exboyfriend who used to say, “Only boring people get bored.” I think it's been five years since I used the word boring. =) It really made me think. Over the years I've tossed more and more useless and negative words out of my vocabulary. I'd like to think I'm getting to the point where I'll be left with only positive and constructive things to say. And aww kitty! What a fun way to end a video blog!
I think you're about the last person on Earth who'd ever get bored, Rachel! :-) Come to think of it, I can't remember the last time I've been bored, either.
Pushkin insists on being part of the videos. Says it's in his contract or something.
Definitely, Kendra – Amazon reviews have almost become un-helpful, so many of them are unconstructively vitriolic. (I saw one on a friend's book that proclaimed it “wasn't worth the paper it was printed on.” What in the world am I supposed to take away from that?!)
Anyway. Generally, if someone tweets or blogs negatively about me in third person (as in, they don't think I'll notice), I usually send a courteous reply – just as a reminder that the internet is a public forum, and people do monitor what's said about them. But if a comment or tweet is a direct, personal attack with nothing constructive, I let it pass. Life's too short to engage that kind of stuff.
In reading the other comments, I realize my comment was positive yet unconstructive. :) I meant to say, I like that you are doing these video blogs, and constantly experimenting with new media and putting yourself out there. And most of all I love that you aren't afraid to say what you think–even at the risk of snark.
It does suck that the negative comments tend to be the ones that stick out in our minds, but I kind of look at my (and your) reaction to them as a reminder that we care. If you didn't care, the snark wouldn't bother you,… but it's good to care, I figure life is richer if you care about things, and that means a little unpleasantness is unavoidable. Many people are afraid to care (putting yourself out there= risk of failure) and I think snark is a way for them to reassure themselves that it's safer/hipper to 'play it cool'. Their loss.
That is an absolutely beautiful take on it, Linda. Thanks so much for posting that!
That's fabulous. I don't like anonymous commenters…they are hiding behind anonymity.
I try to follow the “Thumper rule” (from Bambi) when leaving comments on the internet: “If you can’t say something nice … don’t say nothing at all.” I can think of only one time in the history of my blogging career where I chose to publicly rip on something, and (I'd like to think) I did it in a humorous and constructive way (my rant on REAL Simple mag, and local produce).
I've been lucky not to receive too many negative comments over the years, but they do hurt when they show up. One that comes to mind was on a post about my methods for making my Christmas card list – I only send to people who have sent me cards in the past, because my logic is that those are the family members/friends who CARE about the tradition of sending cards. Someone left a comment on that post saying “That's not very nice, that's a selfish/mean-spirited way to give…” and then linked to his business, which was a service that mails out crappy Christmas cards with a standard message, if you provided all of the addresses. Uhhh, dude – you just insulted my way of celebrating the holidays, and now you want me to purchase a service from you? Ummm, no thanks!
Ouch! That's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about.
I love the “Thumper rule!”
“Kills creativity” You said so much with those two words!
If you watch little kids, you'll soon see they're willing to try Anything, up to a certain age. That age, that “certain age”, is the point at which they realize they may be laughed at, scolded, or criticized. It's hard for an adult to step out in front of the world with a new idea, hard to even come up with something original, if they have a slap-down hanging over them.
Great podcast, Diane. Thanks for maybe making the world a kinder place!
So true, Anitra. And so sad.
Craftypod is NOT boring!! :( I had to take a deep breath before posting anything I made or designed online because I was scared of such comments. I have been lucky enough not to receive any (yet) but that is probably due to the fact that I don't have a huge following. And no matter what, it is hurtful to hear negative comments about yourself. A spoof is one thing, but… Listen up, snarkers, the more positivity you put out there, the more you'll attract back to yourself, so when you feel snarky, either make it constructive, or let it go – privately.
Diane, you have enriched my life in ways I can't even measure because of your free (by that I mean liberated, as well as cost-free) and fearless sharing of your love of craft. I have learned so much from your podcast and I can't imagine my life without crochet, which I NEVER would have attempted without your enthusiastic endorsement and explanation of the craft. In addition, you've introduced me to ravelry, delicious.com, and many other craft resources. You've been a good online friend and crafty role model.
First let me tell you that I love your Video blogging. I would love to do something like this, can you give me any recommendations of how you do it? Do you use a video camera, what kind of application/program do you use to edit, etc.?
Secondly, I completely agree with your topic today. When I criticize anything on my blog, I try to do so in a constructive way and always point out that my opinion is not going to always agree with other peoples. People I think are often more negative on the internet because they don't think it will have any backlash on their “real” lives, but it sad to think that they find it acceptable to behave that way at all.
Thank you! What I'm doing is pretty low-tech, really. I use a little Sony Handycam, and I edit in iMovie, which is a program built into most Mac computers. Some digital still cameras even shoot video now.
I agree with your perspective that some people may think their behavior on the web won't have any bearing on their real lives. Which isn't quite accurate – but it'll take time for people to figure that out.
Cami, your comment made me tear up a little. Thank you so much for your kind words. You have enriched my life too, and that of the craft community, by being such a supportive and positive presence.
For the record, I don't have an issue with anyone thinking CP is boring – the show isn't for everyone. My whole issue is when people speak this opinion publicly, in third person, instead of saying it directly to me – and instead of offering any kind of constructive criticism.
Thank you for a cogent, thoughtful video. I am sometimes appalled at the level of meanness I see. As you pointed out, there seems to be no purpose except to be mean. I am sorry that these folks have such an unhappy life that they have to tear everyone around them down, but there are better ways to vent that vitriol. It takes very little effort to be nicer – let's all practice that. Again, thank you, Diane
Thank YOU, Laura – you're absolutely right, this kind of commenting does seem to stem from personal unhappiness a lot of the time. Which is even sadder.
Amen.
So good. I have so much to say here. But one thing I honestly believe is that many people who snark on a personal level (devaluing someone with a general and unsubstantiated comment) are reacting out of an EMOTION which is almost always about THEMSELVES. And they really truly don't stop for a second and THINK about what they're feeling. They don't even think about the other end of the conversation (the reader). They cushion their egos by secretly thinking that everyone would naturally agree with them, so why not say whatever it is, to this wide open audience they have in front of them?
Frankly, I think that if someone said to them, hey, dude. Listen to yourself for a second… lots of that snark would go away.
sometimes I think snarkers are like my tiny dog–or like a cat–in a large way, especially on the web, they think that no one can see them under that table.
and by the way, to those commentors who say they love you, well that's all fine and good… but I loved you FIRST!!
This is great stuff, Chris. You're right – snark is emotional. There's a pervasive myth in our culture that disdain makes us cooler somehow. Which is sad.
…Also, yup, you were first and best! :-)
Great message Sister D – as always. I have recently been in a position where I wanted to leave a negative review on a book, but wanted to do it constructively, and felt I did – though the authors will no doubt be disappointed. I have a little bit of an issue with podcasters and bloggers who do NOTHING but praise books (and products) they review. I feel like they may feel obligated to do so in order to keep on gettin the free books and products. I can not believe that all books out there – crafting or otherwise are great. And unfortunately this practice has virtually nullified the reviews for me. I do want to share a link to your video though because I think the abuse that's going on out there is just plain bullying and it's important to set those doing it on fire. But we're not a perfect world yet – and the bad can make us appreciate the good perhaps a little more. Craft on sister D. You set the bar my friend!
Finally got to view this! What an important subject and some really good input here. I can better understand people getting hot under the collar in the realm of political blogs and taking pot shots at each other, but how can meanness possible have a place in a community peopled by artists and crafters? You are correct – ours is a space in the blogiverse where support and appreciation should guide our comments. And if we are unable to respond with support or appreciation, then simply be silent and move on to a more controversial neighborhood.
You raise an excellent point about reviews, Kathleen. It's something I struggle with on this blog. I try to be constructive, too, but I always worry about the author's feelings – especially having some idea of what they went through writing the book. Still – we bloggers have a responsibility to our readers, and to be honest.
I LOVE this. And really, I think this world of independently created media *allows for* a level of discourse that's not even possible with corporate media. I might have great, constructive ideas about how America's Next Top Model would be a better show, but there's no one to tell. Would I tweet the CW? If I wrote a blog post, would anyone but my peers ever read it?
But your point about nothing being private in a public forum is exactly the thing that makes discourse (for good, not just evil) possible. If I have ideas about how you might improve Crafypod, I can write a blog post about it or drop you a tweet and ask to chat, and you'll see it. You may look into who I am and decide my thoughts on the subject aren't worth your time, but that's a hell of a lot more time than I'd get from a corporation. But you might be interested or curious or simply too polite to blow me off, and maybe I'm even someone who would offer to help or to collaborate or just to tell my friends how friendly you are in real life…
I know, I'm preaching to the choir. :) I just love what you had to say here. Wait. Maybe there's a blog post in this…
Thanks, Kim. Definitely, I'm a fan of the kind of discourse the web allows. I was speaking more of those folks who don't seem to understand this yet, and instead level vague public criticisms at what they might think are media institutions, but are in fact other human beings.
When someone gets on Twitter and says CraftyPod is boring, I'll respond to them mostly to make it clear that the web is a public forum and people hear what you say. But I have to say, I rarely have much curiosity about these folks beyond that. If they were forthright enough to approach me directly with constructive criticism, that's another matter. There's potential dialog in that scenario. In snark, there's no potential.
…Aaaaaand there I go preaching back to the choir. :-) Sorry!
Oh, of course! My imagination just got caught on that one bit, in that
woo-woo-internet way I love so much. Internet vs. big media, yada yada. :)
kp
I'd just like to second this approach. I deal with difficult customers in my day job on occasion, and if possible, ignore them. It just wastes energy.
If you can't ignore them because it's your job to give a service, ignore the rant bit and try to answer their question. Or, acknowledge the rant in a polite way and try to figure out what you can do to address it.
“I'm sorry you find CraftPod boring. How can I make it more interesting to you?”
Some ranters just want to know that they're being heard, but that doesn't seem to be the case with most Internet ranters. Oh, and it also helps to grow a thick skin. Mine is still growing!
You are so on point here, Diane. I am a staunch defender of just plain being nice (or not being purposely mean at least) on the Internet and elsewhere. I've been studying the online bullying phenomenon for years now, and I have found that even those who have experienced bullying themselves seem to have no difficulty tearing people down. My husband often likes to quote John Gabriel's Greater Internet F***wad theory: “Normal person + anonymity + audience = f***wad,” and we've found it to be true.
For a long time, my own dealings on the Internet were anonymous, distant, and somehow not “real.” I stayed away from bullying myself, but knew that at any moment I could do it without direct consequence. Then one day, one of my Internet friends committed suicide, and it slammed into me like a ton of bricks: these are people. REAL people, with real feelings and real lives. It changed my opinion of the Internet's anonymity forever: it ISN'T anonymous. We ALL have identities, and our identities are shaped by the people we encounter online and off. I just hope that it doesn't take a death or other tragedy for the world at large to come to understand this.
Another thoughtful bit of wisdom. Negative comments can be a crush….. I teach classes at trade shows, and have had **Perfect** rave reviews, highest rating possible in every category from attendees……except one person in a class of 50. UGH! And they just snipe without giving any concrete reason I could address. It used to really burn me, but I finally figured the one party pooper wasn't going to ruin my parade – I figure I still rated out a perfect class. 49 People can't be wrong…….
It's like those stars on Amazon, if 323 rate a product as fab, and 3 rate it horrible, I figure, guess who didn't read the instructions! LOL.