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Image by Andy Woo, via Flickr Creative Commons
Okay, I’m just going to come right out and say it: if there’s one phrase in the English language that makes me squirm, it’s “The Cool Kids.”
I have a checkered history with those words. My career as a shy child, right up until college, was overshadowed by this idea of cool, popular kids who were not me and who weren’t particularly kind to me. I learned to feel pretty strongly that “Cool Kids” were always “Mean Kids” and “Exclusionary Kids.”
Image by Iago A.R., via Flickr Creative Commons
Fast forward more years than I care to admit.
Now, I’m blessed to be part of a vibrant and vast online community. I’m still shy, but I’ve made a lot of friends here. And lately, people sometimes refer to me as a “Cool Kid.” (Which, let me tell you, does a number on my brain.)
But I don’t think of myself as a “Cool Kid.” I’m a blogger who geeks out on all kinds of things. I spend easily 80% of my life in flannel pajama pants. I’m just a person, you know?
Image by dmealiffe, via Flickr Creative Commons
Let me tell you a secret – and then, a story. There are people in this community I still think of as “Cool Kids.” (I’m less inclined these days to attach “Mean” and “Exclusionary” to “Cool,” but that doesn’t make me any less intimidated.) Now, I try not to let this intimidation stop me, but I do have to wrestle with it a lot.
(Incidentally, there’s no universal definition of who “The Cool Kids” are. We each create our own “Cool Kids.”)
Image by origamidon, via Flickr Creative Commons
Case in point: I was at Summit of Awesome recently. Mark Montano was a keynote speaker. I was within a few feet of him several times, but never worked up the courage to walk up and introduce myself. Because in my mind, Mark is orders of magnitude cooler than me. Why in the world would he want to be bothered with starstruck little me?
I know, I know – not one of my finer ideological moments. Eventually, Richard was kind enough to introduce us (for which I’m so grateful). And you know what? Mark’s really cool. And talented. And funny. And I’m really glad I met him. Go look at his blog.
So, yeah. Perhaps we all have some “Cool Kids” tucked away in our worldview.
Image by jimmywayne, via Flickr Creative Commons
But the problem I have with the idea of “The Cool Kids” is that it creates barriers where they don’t need to exist. You’re interesting, and you have skills. Same here. There might be amazing opportunities for us to work together, if all this stuff about who has more readers and who’s bigger and who’s cooler didn’t get in the way.
All that said, though, it is true that there’s a subtle art to these things. It’s one thing to get over your intimidation and approach someone you think is cool. But it’s quite another to approach them in a way that gets you noticed and remembered. One thing that is true of most “Cool Kids,” I think, is that they’re also “Busy Kids.” There’s a process to building real connection with busy people in our crowded communication landscape.
Image by Ian Sane™, via Flickr Creative Commons
So this is why I’m really excited about It’s Who You Know. Tara and I want to demystify this stuff so more of us can step out and forge great collaborations that move everyone forward. Based on the amazing conversations she and I have been having behind the scenes, this promises to be a lively time. (Tara is really cool!)
We’d love to have you join us next week.
This reminds me of a recent encounter I had…it's funny that even in adulthood we still have these feelings. Ok, it's not funny…it's silly…sweaty palms, butterflies, and all! I could only imagine how much farther along I would be if I wouldn't let fear stop me from doing things or over analyzing things…do you think that that is an inherent behavior in the creative type?
It's probably inherent in all types. One of thing that fascinates me most about humans is our seeming need to create celebrities in our tribes – and then, to be intimidated by them. I mean, I like the idea of respecting other people for their accomplishments. It's just when we unconsciously lower our own selves by comparison that we can do damage.
Don't laugh, but that is totally how I felt about meeting you. If Kari hadn't introduced us at the Summit, I don't know that I would have worked up the courage. I'm not normally hesitant to introduce myself to people, so there you go…
…And here's the thing, Bettie – do you know that, throughout those three days, people kept saying to me, “You have got to meet Bettie Newell. She's soooo cool!” And I'm so glad we finally met, because look what an awesome podcast came out of it – just for starters.
Great post! You bring up an interesting point. I remember thinking about this a lot when I first started out a couple of years ago. I would make excuses about why I shouldn't contact this person or that person because they're “too cool for me” or “out of my league” in this way or that way. But eventually, I just kind of gave up on that and realized that the “cool kids” are people too. Just people like you and me. And its a lot easier to talk to them than I once thought. Now I am in regular communication with a whole slew of bloggers that I never thought I would ever be able to talk to.
That is so awesome, Brittni – good for you, owning your value and bringing it to the community!
Oh how you touched a nerve! I too am intimidated by those I perceive to be “cool kids”, which is basically everyone but myself. Why don't we ever grow out of that?
Agreed! I wish I could grow out of it. I'm trying, but it's awfully slow work. :-)
I still have very clear memories of the “cool kids” at my high school – I was definitely not one of them! They mad emy life unpleasant at high school, and that wa shard when I was younger. Age has given me a bit of perspective (wow, I sound like my mum, ha) and I would love to bounce back to 1990 and give my younger self some moral support.
Boy, so would I, Sarah!
Wow, what a great post! I too was the shy kid (now the shy 41-year-old woman–some things just don't change) who steered clear of what I perceived to be the cool kids. In high school, 90% of the time they were also the mean kids. But kids are cruel, it's just a fact of life. As we get older we need to let that stuff go and get out of that mindset that “cool kids” are bad. They are actually just like everyone else. It's still sometimes hard to get over the initial intimidation to approach a so called cool kid. I think it has to do with a deep-seated fear of rejection.
Diane – I do think you are cool, but really what you probably are is a Nerdfighter!
HAHAHAHA! I am indeed a Nerdfighter! :-)
… A fear that is, unfortunately, hardwired into our lizard brains. :-) Still, wouldn't it be nice if high school weren't so cruel?
Thanks for this post. I never would have guessed this about you…
It's because of you that I (and I suspect many others) have followed a new, creative path, doing things I only dreamed of. Writing…crafting…geeking…
You are the ultimate in C*O*O*L.
xoxo
Hello Diane,
Interesting read. Thank you for sharing and for using my picture in this well written article. Good luck in the future.
Sincerely,
Ian Sane – (http://www.flickr.com/photos/31246066@N04/)
Thank you, Kurt, for offering such a beautiful image through Creative Commons! I'm so glad you enjoyed the post.
The “we each create our own cool kids” is so spot on. I've been at different levels of the pile depending on the pond I'm swimming in and it really is quite silly how a lot of that is determined. I think I finally figured out why I didn't like that Copyblogger post the other day – it's basically about how to go about guest blogging on the top blogs in your niche, but the whole thing's set up in old-school business speak (glass ceiling) which is essentially the ridiculousness of high school. And you both make the same point about more popular people being busy and building relationships. But your post says, “Let's be cool together” and the other says, “How you can get the cool kids to notice you.” Yours wins. I don't know…the more I foray into other blogs and niches, the more I appreciate the general generosity of the crafty sphere. This is why I liked Kirsty's the other day, too.
Wow, thank you, Elizabeth. That observation means a lot to me, because I have to admit, I never enjoy that strategic mindset of “getting the A-listers in your back pocket” that I so often read on Copyblogger and other business-related blogs.
It's not that “A-listers” don't exist (or even, that they shouldn't exist). It's more that with every “A-lister” we anoint, we subtly take opportunities away from many deserving others, who may only lack the outgoing personality or the facility with words that draws a crowd.
I couldn't agree with you more – give me the craft community over just about any other online community, any day of the week.
Hi Diane, Having worked for many years in various parts of the advertising industry I have very personal experience of the 'cool kids' phenomenon. The thing that always bugged me the most, was that the 'cool kids' weren't always the 'most talented kids' – I wouldn't have minded if the one was linked to the other, but it seemed that being cool had more to do with popularity than ability. But, I guess we could all learn from this, because popularity often has a lot to do with confidence and this is usually something the 'not so cool kids' lack. Great thought-provoking article by the way!
This post really speaks to me – but it's so nice to know that I'm not the only one! As a (very) new blogger, I feel extremely intimidated putting my images out there and commenting on other blogs. It puts me back among the cliques I was trying (in vain!) to fit into in school. I'm actually hoping that blogging will give me a thicker skin in this regard!
Thank you again for putting all of this excellent info and food for thought out there!
Hi, Scott – I had similar experiences back in my graphic design days. I think you're right about confidence. Perhaps our human response to confidence is to assume a high level of skill dwells behind it. To be fair, this is often true. But definitely, sometimes not.
Thank YOU, Sweet Ronit, for sharing your perspective here. Definitely, it can feel uncomfortable to reach out online. Try to remember – you're a cool person who has specific skills and abilities. You're unique in that, and regardless of how many readers anyone has, you have important things to offer. Try to comment from that place of strength, and the rest really will fall into place. I promise!
You are welcome. :) And I agree about A-listers – most deserve the popularity – they daily work hard to put out great stuff. There is so much to learn from the business spheres that I didn't know from my non-profit and crafty worlds, but I find myself parting with them when they start being hierarchical. I am more interested in building community than empire.
Someone sent me a tweet that used the phrase “cool kids” the other day, and I had a physical reaction to the phrase… didn't really put my finger on it but here you are writing a post about it!! So many true things. You're high on my list of cool people everyone should talk to!
Thank you so much, Heather! And you're high on my list.
Hey, ain't nothing wrong with spending 80% of the day in flannel pajama pants! :)
What a wonderful article. Thanks for writing it. :)
Wow, thank you so much, Catherine! I'm a big fan of your work, so getting this comment from you is lovely!